When all else fails, begin again, and begin again as many times as you need to.
Through the school of hard knocks I’ve earned an MBA in “starting over”. I’ve done this many times in my life, always prompted by the end of a relationship.
Lessons I’ve learned:
- The only person you can depend on in life is yourself. Don’t let yourself down. There are support players in life, but you are responsible for you, yourself and I – support players are not responsible for you, they should add to the enhancement and enjoyment of your life.
- You can’t change people. You can only change yourself, your viewpoint on things. When you meet people accept them for who they are good, bad or indifferent.
- When someone shows you who they are, believe them, if someone tells you they don’t want the same things you do – believe them.
- Career and work are not your identity, they are the means to support your life. Don’t lose sight of who you are apart from work. Have a healthy work life balance. Sometimes you need to put in extra effort at the office to finish a project, or pitch in because you’re short staffed, but don’t let it consume all of your waking and sleeping hours. It’s all about balance.
- Start saving for an emergency fund and retirement early. Trust me, you’re going to need these funds to get you through unexpected life events.
- Not every person you meet is meant to be in your life forever. Sometimes they are just passing through. This goes for romantic, platonic and familial relationships.
- Do things on your time frame. Not your families, not your friends, but when you are ready in your life to go to college, get married or not get married, to have children, start a career, get divorced, buy a house, sell a house, move. It’s your life and you have to live with your decisions.
- I do believe that “chosen family” can exist, just be careful who you allow to be your “chosen family”. That heartbreak is just as devastating when they hurt you.
- Starting over is the best thing I’ve done. Make your fresh start personal to you and do it when you are in a good headspace to do so. Sometimes life falls apart and creates the headspace to see where you are valued. Failures can lead to new opportunities you would not have considered previously possible.
- Trusting again is hard, but you have to try. Start with trusting yourself and give yourself credit for everything you’ve accomplished in your life.
- If something doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right – intuition/trusting your gut is a sense we should trust in ourselves more, instead of asking friends for advice or trying to convince ourselves we are overthinking the situation. If you think a person is married – they probably are, if you think they are gay – they probably are and how sad is it to think they can’t be true to themselves, if you think they’re just an f-person – they probably are.
- Don’t let people tell you that it’s impossible or you can’t. Remember as Audrey Hepburn said “impossible is I’m possible” and “you can’t is you can”. Believe in yourself, it’s the most powerful asset you have.
- Don’t give up. Keep trying. Masterpieces take time, patience, practice and lots of work.
- Find something to be passionate about everyday.
- Be kind to yourself.
- Social media isn’t real life. Real life is what happens in person with real interaction. Real life isn’t all perfectly scripted, it’s messy and brilliant.
- Travel and explore – even if it’s day trips to new places where you live. Don’t lose your sense of awe and adventure.
- Always be learning something – it keeps your brain active!
- Do something active every day. A brisk walk for 10 minutes does wonders for resetting the brain and focus. Don’t let your physical or mental muscles atrophy.
- Life is more fun with a companion. Don’t give up, just because you got hurt. However, there’s nothing at all wrong with you if your companions are friends, family or pets. It’s completely okay to be solo. I’ve enjoyed many adventures in travel, wine, dining, art solo and am grateful for being able to enjoy my own company. When the time is right look again, and worst-case scenario – there’s always dogs or cats!
One step forward everyday – progress is made. It’s okay to cry, it’s a healthy cleansing emotion. It’s okay to be angry, that’s recognizing you weren’t treated properly. Most importantly, forgive and don’t hold grudges. Learn from the experience – both positive and negative.
It’s okay to let go and start over in a new city, new state, new country. When you learn to trust yourself and believe in yourself, good things happen.
I’m excited to start sharing new adventures in a new city and state with you. It’s taken some effort to get there, but I trusted the process and myself and can’t wait to share this adventure with you!
Cheers!
